1. Does your fiancé or spouse fulfill the good deed (mitzvah) of honoring his parents and parents-in-law in speech and in deed by speaking respectfully and being deferring (mevater) to them, rising for them, offering assistance and helping in any way to make their lives easier?
2. Does he encourage you to observe the good deed (mitzvah) of to honor and fear (kibud v'yirah) toward your parents, thereby earning the reward for him of long life and many good years ("l'me'an yerichun yamecha u'l'ma'an yetev lach")? -OR- Does he say you have no legal (halachic) obligations to your parents now that you are married?
3. Has he ever used the line, "It's me or your parents!"?
4. Does he allow you to visit your parents alone?
5. Does he continually complain that your parents:
(a) "provoke him"
(b) are trying to "run his life"?
(c) don't know how to "behave like in-laws"?
(d) are worse than other sets of parents?
(e) are out to "destroy your peace in the home (shalom bayis)"?
(f) are a "bad influence"?
6. Does he rule (pasken) that the law allows you to be lenient (heter) to cut off your parents because of any of the above reasons?
7. Do his expectations of your parents fit the following description:
In-laws should have "an open pocket and a zippered mouth" - they are the "givers" and children, the "takers" - except concerning advice, when the roles are reversed. Parents must provide financial support, baby-sitting services and hotel services during Jewish religious holidays (yom tovim) and pre and post-natal periods. They must honor and be obliging (mevater) to the opinions and customs (minhagim) of their married children, never disclosing their own opinions. They may never request anything for themselves or g-d forbid (chas v'shalom), do anything that smacks of "unwanted interference" such as offering a suggestion (e.g. "I think you should ask a question (shailoh) in this case). In short, parents should be seen but not heard.
1. Someone who was emotionally or physically abused as a child.
2. A person who has behaved violently towards others.
3. A person who loses his temper more frequently and more easily than others in the same environmental setting.
4. A person who breaks things when angry.